Walking Home After Film Club

The volunteer who heads the American film club here in N-- got delayed out of town this week, so I told him that I'd go ahead and show the movie, as I usually attend and also as when he is out of town, I frequently make use of his empty apartment. Tit for tat, you know.

Only three students showed up this week, they were all my students though, so it made for a relaxing time watching the film, being able to make comments, ask questions, etc.

As per routine when club is over, we usually walk part way together and then one student will usually walk longer with me because she likes to spend as much time as possible with me.

At first this was difficult to comprehend or get over--that the sole reason people wanted to get to know me was because I am an American, not because of who I am. Little by little though, I recognized her genuine sincerity and also learned to deal with the fact that people are only going to want to be my friend because I'm American, so I best get over it and just be glad that someone is interested. She's a sweet girl who takes language and studies very seriously and is always an ally in the classroom. I had discussed on occasion to the boys that I decided I wanted to pursue a friendship with her, as we seem to have things in common and we could help each other out.

Anyway, we are walking together now just the two of us against a hard N-- wind and I confide in her how much I appreciate her and her classmates. I tell her I want to teach more of her classes next year if I can because her group is interested and responsive. At this point, she tells me she has something to share with me, but won't share it in a store, where I am getting juice and we are taking refuge from the wind. Back out in the cold, she tells me she won't be here next year, that she's going to Germany. Soon, actually. I tell her that I am excited for her and congratulate her but remark that her English will suffer and shake my finger at her accusingly. As we discuss some details tears well up in her eyes. She remarks that in part she doesn't want to go because I now at her university. Can you even imagine?

I am floored by this remark, but counter with an elder's advice about seizing opportunities as to not live in regret later. She understands all of this, she assures me, but is sad she won't get a chance to see me or the other PCV's anymore and wants to stay in touch and maintain a relationship. We hug and I assure her that good people are everywhere and she better stay in touch--at the very least to practice her English. She cries before we part.

I think that we all have moments. At least I assume that we all have them, those things that give us purpose. We spend so much of our time asking ourselves, "why am I here?," "what am I doing?," "who am I helping?," and at a moment like this it all becomes clear and the temporary frustrations are actually worthwhile. It is in these moments that I actually understand the power of this program and realize how much greater than myself and my own personal irritations it is. The trick is to remember these moments in the trying times. But that is such a big person thing to do.