I am too Big for Ukraine

The past several days have been a running theme. While preparing for my upcoming trips to Crimea and Croatia, I've needed to make a few purchases. One of which being a bathing suit. Although here in Ukraine no one wears one pieces, instead everyone wears a two piece, so I finally decided it was time to fit in like the locals (and dudes, they all wear speedos. Imagine how fun shopping for one of those must be). I walked all over the huge bizarre by my house trying on many different styles, but learned extremely quick that while the tops fit, the bottoms did not. This would be because Ukrainian women do not have hips. One woman even went so far as to say that they also do not have a попка either (a behind). I searched all over for one particular style asking for anything above what would be our equivalent of a size 10. It did not exist. Finally I realized that I'd only fit into the kinds with the adjustable bottoms, exposing way more flesh that your average American would be comfortable revealing, but hey, when in Yalta...

So today, because my brown sandals snapped last year in Budapest, I went in search of a new pair. This proved to be even more trying than yesterday's search for a swim suit. First off, Ukrainian ideas of fashionable shoes do not match my American ones. Typically there is tons of glitter, flowers, rhinestones, and spiky heels that seem impossible to walk on. Sensibility seems to be the last thing on the designers mind.

Granted, I've been here long enough to appreciate their uberfemininity and on occasion will covet a pair or two. I first went to the mall where you can get better quality shoes (yes, I have a mall, just like an American one--except with a grocery store and bowling too) and found a couple of cute shoes that were not flashy, and yet maintained a certain sense of style. "сорок" I said, thinking that my shoe size is a 40 in Ukraine. The woman looked all over and finally brought back a pair and when I looked at the back I noticed that it said 8 1/2 USA. Huh. I'm a size 10. Obviously this shoe did not fit. I asked for a 41, 42, or 43. She looked at me like I was nuts. "нето" she said (my least favorite word in the Russian language). I then took off back to the bizarre from yesterday where I learned that no where are there shoes in Ukraine larger than a size 40. When I saw a cute pair of sandals and asked for a size 42, the woman looked at me in disbelief and came out to measure my foot. She then asked the other woman behind the stand "do we have a size 42 or 43?" to which the woman replied "seriously?" Seriously....

There are ugly orthropeditic type shoes that I can buy, but seriously... I'll just keep on going with what little I got and live with the fact that I am simply too big for this country.