Glad I'm American!
Yesterday, while not reading, cleaning, sorting, unpacking, calling temp agencies, or learning Ukrainian, I was watching cable programming. But it was educational--I swear. There is this channel that my mother gets called Discovery Times and they had some fascinating documentaries on yesterday afternoon that pertain to my departure, so I thought that I should watch and learn. The first was about Russian wives and the creepy American men who go over to get them. It was a sympathetic view of this practice, focusing mostly on the women who decide to join these different agencies in hopes of meeting someone to love. Nothing about financial gain or getting the heck out of Russia, which was interesting. Most spoke English very well too and were single mothers. They indicated in Russia, men are not so willing to stick around with a woman who has a child by another man, but in the United States it's not so much of an issue for dudes. Interesting, I guess. Plus, the average lifespan of a Russian man is 55-56 according to this documentary (which I did not get the date of its release) due mostly to hard work and alcoholism. So, these women look forward to a long life alone. I don't need to comment on the kind of men who were looking for Russian brides as I believe that you can figure that one out for yourself. However, the women they featured in this documentary seemed very happy.
The next documentary was on bride kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan, a former Soviet Republic that is land locked in Central Asia (borders on China). Most women are married by their mid-twenties and in rural communities, some crazy amount of women are kidnapped right off the street by dudes families who wish to marry her. The argument is that it's cheaper than paying for her dowry, or perhaps just simpler than asking for her hand from her family. Sometimes the women do not even know who her kidnapper is--it could just be an admirer who saw her once-- or even just on that day. They showed about 3 or 4 different kidnappings, and several that did not work, meaning that the women refused to marry the groom, to which she faces the prospect of shame and disgrace. Sounds like fun, huh? Sometimes the women are raped and sometimes they are killed. They told the story about one woman who committed suicide (or so the family was told) as a way to leave her captures. Her family has tried to get an investigation going (this practice is illegal in Kyrgyzstan, but local authorities tend to turn a blind eye), but they have not been successful. These women are kidnapped by men, but typically "compelled" to marriage by the groom's female relatives who are constantly telling her to put on this scarf, which is a symbolic gesture of her submission into marriage. Some of these kidnappings are successful and in the follow ups, the couple seems quite happy.
In the cases where the women have refused (in addition to a girl's father coming to the family and telling them that he refuses to permit the marriage) the women are allowed to leave. In both cases, the women frequent the city--one girl works at a vodka and beer stand and the other was taking classes to become a teacher. These women have been "westernized" as much as anyone in the middle of Central Asia can be, and have different expectations of their life. Of course, I cried a bit when watching these scenes of these young girls crying and asking to be let go while all these other women (older women) are cajoling her to marry their son, nephew, brother, cousin, neighbor, etc. But they also make it seem like refusal is also a part of this ritual, even with the women who finally submit.
Of course, watching this with Western eyes makes it easy to see how "wrong" all of this is, especially as a woman who is older than her mid-twenties, easily a spinster to this culture, one who eschews traditional roles in her own culture. This is clearly a human rights issue. Why are these women being kidnapped and harmed? However, who I am to judge someone else's culture and rituals? Someone could watch some of the things that we do on a daily basis and be put off by it. As I mentioned earlier, my beliefs and values would probably appall them, as would some of yours, dear reader, I am sure. At any rate, watching that made me exceedingly happy that I was fortunate enough to be born in a country that does not have those sorts of expectations for me, and if something like that was done, I would have the law on my side.
The third documentary was called something like 'Seoul Mates' and it was about two Korean women in love with American men who were stationed over there in the military. It focused on the cross-cultural experiences of the couple, one of whom were married in the eyes of the law, but not by Korean custom. The dude refused to do it the Korean way, some young kid from Scranton. He also refused to eat their food or even do what her parents considered respectful--he made feeble attempts to learn the language, etc. Ah, what a bright portrait of our nation's finest, I swear! But again, he was really young, and he finally did concede to do things the traditional "Korean" way, and the family was very pleased, as they could now tell their relatives that she was married and not living in sin. The interesting part of this documentary was the USO Korean "Bride School." Yes. I kid you not. You realize that that is our tax dollars at work, right? I wonder if they have a "Groom School," huh? So this school trains them how to be June Cleaver's, learning things from table manners and how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner. For their graduation, all the dudes come in and judge their cooking up against Mom's. I do not know if this school teaches them other things, like how to do their taxes, job prospects to expect in the United States, or other things that might help them to assimliate into American Culture more than "don't put your elbows on the table" and "don't stuff the bird the day before, it will go bad." These are important things, I suppose, but as the documentary said, the divorce rate for such couples is 8 in 10. Yep, 8 in 10. Maybe they should be teaching these women some things about US Law and Immigration so that they can focus on their own, or some other ways to cope with the cultural differences to help their marriage last. Anyway, the documentary could have skewed what the USO was teaching them, I am aware of that.
So that is essentially what I did all day yesterday. And then I watched Tommy Lee Goes to College, which was brilliant and likewise made me happy to be an American.
The next documentary was on bride kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan, a former Soviet Republic that is land locked in Central Asia (borders on China). Most women are married by their mid-twenties and in rural communities, some crazy amount of women are kidnapped right off the street by dudes families who wish to marry her. The argument is that it's cheaper than paying for her dowry, or perhaps just simpler than asking for her hand from her family. Sometimes the women do not even know who her kidnapper is--it could just be an admirer who saw her once-- or even just on that day. They showed about 3 or 4 different kidnappings, and several that did not work, meaning that the women refused to marry the groom, to which she faces the prospect of shame and disgrace. Sounds like fun, huh? Sometimes the women are raped and sometimes they are killed. They told the story about one woman who committed suicide (or so the family was told) as a way to leave her captures. Her family has tried to get an investigation going (this practice is illegal in Kyrgyzstan, but local authorities tend to turn a blind eye), but they have not been successful. These women are kidnapped by men, but typically "compelled" to marriage by the groom's female relatives who are constantly telling her to put on this scarf, which is a symbolic gesture of her submission into marriage. Some of these kidnappings are successful and in the follow ups, the couple seems quite happy.
In the cases where the women have refused (in addition to a girl's father coming to the family and telling them that he refuses to permit the marriage) the women are allowed to leave. In both cases, the women frequent the city--one girl works at a vodka and beer stand and the other was taking classes to become a teacher. These women have been "westernized" as much as anyone in the middle of Central Asia can be, and have different expectations of their life. Of course, I cried a bit when watching these scenes of these young girls crying and asking to be let go while all these other women (older women) are cajoling her to marry their son, nephew, brother, cousin, neighbor, etc. But they also make it seem like refusal is also a part of this ritual, even with the women who finally submit.
Of course, watching this with Western eyes makes it easy to see how "wrong" all of this is, especially as a woman who is older than her mid-twenties, easily a spinster to this culture, one who eschews traditional roles in her own culture. This is clearly a human rights issue. Why are these women being kidnapped and harmed? However, who I am to judge someone else's culture and rituals? Someone could watch some of the things that we do on a daily basis and be put off by it. As I mentioned earlier, my beliefs and values would probably appall them, as would some of yours, dear reader, I am sure. At any rate, watching that made me exceedingly happy that I was fortunate enough to be born in a country that does not have those sorts of expectations for me, and if something like that was done, I would have the law on my side.
The third documentary was called something like 'Seoul Mates' and it was about two Korean women in love with American men who were stationed over there in the military. It focused on the cross-cultural experiences of the couple, one of whom were married in the eyes of the law, but not by Korean custom. The dude refused to do it the Korean way, some young kid from Scranton. He also refused to eat their food or even do what her parents considered respectful--he made feeble attempts to learn the language, etc. Ah, what a bright portrait of our nation's finest, I swear! But again, he was really young, and he finally did concede to do things the traditional "Korean" way, and the family was very pleased, as they could now tell their relatives that she was married and not living in sin. The interesting part of this documentary was the USO Korean "Bride School." Yes. I kid you not. You realize that that is our tax dollars at work, right? I wonder if they have a "Groom School," huh? So this school trains them how to be June Cleaver's, learning things from table manners and how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner. For their graduation, all the dudes come in and judge their cooking up against Mom's. I do not know if this school teaches them other things, like how to do their taxes, job prospects to expect in the United States, or other things that might help them to assimliate into American Culture more than "don't put your elbows on the table" and "don't stuff the bird the day before, it will go bad." These are important things, I suppose, but as the documentary said, the divorce rate for such couples is 8 in 10. Yep, 8 in 10. Maybe they should be teaching these women some things about US Law and Immigration so that they can focus on their own, or some other ways to cope with the cultural differences to help their marriage last. Anyway, the documentary could have skewed what the USO was teaching them, I am aware of that.
So that is essentially what I did all day yesterday. And then I watched Tommy Lee Goes to College, which was brilliant and likewise made me happy to be an American.
posted by Molly | 6:01 AM
1 Comments:
I know cultures are different, but any tradition which allows the woman to be raped or killed, or where she commits suicide to escape, needs some revamping. molly, if someone kidnaps you, i'm coming over there with an army. you wanna see spaz...
Post a Comment
<< Home